Thursday, February 12, 2009

I thought about it

I wrote this years ago (2003) and just discovered it...

I thought about it and there is only one way to realize the value of your dreams. To see them through no matter how painful that can be. Where you can take yourself is a matter of when and what you're willing to do. How far are you willing to step out of your comfort zone? Our comfort zones are relative to how we relate to life. How we adjust and conform.

Sometimes I wonder what it is I need to do to make it work. I know the answers are all there. Sometimes I think I'm too afraid to see the actual reality of my life. I have such a specific reason to be here and I need to hear the voices. I need to remember the answers. They're there, right in front of my eyes.

I'm a talented, amazingly beautiful woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind. Who's not afraid to see the truth for what it is and who needs to move into her true being. I see a girl crying because she so desperately wants to and doesn't know the path. I see a girl standing on a road that she has been on all her life. She just didn't know it. Where it leads only she will tell. The outcome is up to her if only she has the courage to take the steps.

Why at times do I feel the need to find such a huge comfort zone. I search for help, I yearn for the past, I anguish over lost feelings. I am so angry right now. I can't seem to let go. I'm afraid to move forward. I see things well and know where this will eventually take me. I regress to a place I don't want to be. I know I shouldn't be here. I know where I need to be and the path I need to take to get there. So why is it so hard right now? I think some is the chemicals running through my body. I need to remember to focus and relax. I need to be comfortable in my life before I can be with anyone. I need to be strong in who I am before I can feel the love of another.

Of what is it we are all looking for? Why do we search? Why do we yearn?

A path is an avenue we choose to follow for a period of time in our lives. Throughout that path there are a series of side paths we have opportunities to take. These are choices in destinies. Some are good and some aren't. It seems that when the fates chose our placement in the tapestry of living life they gave us the opportunity to choose where we wove our threads. It is inevitable that our thread is a certain length and there is no lengthening of it. It can however be cut short by the paths we choose to take. Why do we choose our paths? It seems we are influenced by others. They give us several opportunities to follow them or not. We do have the complete and unalienable right to choose whatever path we walk. It seems though that as a species we have this wonderful trait called passing the buck. We don't want to take responsibility for anything. We blame others for our plight in life. We get angry for what has happened to us. What's the problem here? We all make our own beds. We all make our own choices. We all decide for ourselves. No one has power over us unless we choose to give it to them.

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