Monday, December 17, 2012

Tis the Season

I’ve been slightly ill the past week so I’ve found myself house bound and going a-bit stir crazy. In the process of attempting to calm my craziness I began to sort through old files that I’ve owned and kept for god knows HOW long! MAN Oh man you can just imagine the memory lane I’ve been down the past 3 days. All my life filed away in these folders randomly titled depending on the different mood I was in at that particular time. Wow This one in particular piece I’ve read and re-read tonight and now I would like to share it with you. I wrote this when my daughter was a small child and I was in my 20’s. “The sun sinks slowly over the horizon as I anxiously await total darkness to plug in the lights I have so lovingly strung throughout the house. Tis the season to be jolly and oh how I LOVE it! The smells of cookies baking, the faces of children alight with glee at the thought of Santa and his HUGE bag of presents. The hot spiced wine and mistletoe, the parties thrown and the laughter shared. This is the time of year when worries are put aside, problems forgotten and childhoods remembered with fond affection. This is the time of year when snowball fights are eagerly joined by everyone around. Frosty the Snowman comes to life and fills the air with his happy song. FINALLY darkness has fallen, the moment I’ve waited for a full year is here at last. Hesitating, I look over at my daughter tightly clasping her hands together, shoulders shrugged in excitement, all eyes aglow with anticipation. OK… here goes…I plug in the lights. Instantly a thousand hopes and dreams come to life throughout the world and here in this very house all at the same time. Courtney squeals with delight at the show. Now it really IS Christmas. A sense of peace overcomes me as I sit back with my glass of eggnog to enjoy the season. What a wonderful time of year. My very favorite!” Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!!!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


These are the vows of a friend. I find them inspiring and enlightening.

Guiding Principles Of Our Relationship
Finally we have found in each other a partner with whom we can share this journey called life in peace and trust and love, one day at a time. The path that has brought us to this beautiful place in our lives was long and arduous. It has left some scars and many lessons in its wake. And it has certainly taught us the importance of clarity in communication. It is in this context that we wish to express and document the guiding principles that we want to remember as we manifest each other's love each and every day.
There are three people in this relationship: you, me and us…
When we met there were two individuals walking separate paths. We were both enchanted by one of these individuals and wanted to include that individual in our lives. If we now trade in that individual person for a new entity known as US, we give up the very person to whom we were attracted to in the first place. Respecting the importance of this distinction in our personas is a cornerstone of the structure of our relationship.
The past is history, the future is mystery, today is a gift…
This is the present we give each other. No promises of the future, no secrets from the past. Just being grateful for each day we choose to share our lives. This ability to choose is important as it assures both of us that when the other is present in our life it is truly a gift and not an obligation.
Lead or Follow…
Working by consensus is tedious and reduces excellence down to the mediocrity of the lowest common denominator. We can both lead and we can both follow. Taking turns at these roles allows both of us to control our individual destiny while still having the benefit of the other's support and wisdom.
Preservation of Individuality through Segregated Property Ownership…
Segregated Property Ownership is important as it facilitates the unconditional acceptance of one another that is also a cornerstone of our love. Knowing that each of us is responsible for our selves and having that fact reinforced regularly by the way we manage our financial affairs and legal obligations makes it possible for each of us to accept actions by the other that we might find objectionable or disturbing if we felt that we were financially responsible for each other.
Recognizing that our guiding principals establish a code of behavior,
roles and responsibilities that stand in contrast 
to the traditional marriage contract or common law arrangement….
we hereby wish to share with you the unique nature of our relationship;
our "Partnership".

Monday, May 31, 2010

Past times

Hello all,
Amazing how fast time flies when you get caught up in a project. I recently became involved in volunteering at The Marine Mammal Center in Marin assisting with animal care and rehabilitation. It's a very long and strenuous day. I leave home at 5:30 am and usually get home around the same time later in the day. Depends on traffic. I have never felt so complete and satisfied. From the moment I leave home to the moment I climb in bed the only thing on my mind is the care and feeding of mother natures creatures. I am finally able to leave work behind. As most of us know that's an amazing feat!!!. I have drank the koolaide so to speak and from time to time, I will give the place a plug or two. We all need something to take us away and give back to Mother earth. This is mine.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Will I Ever

I found this hiding in a drafts folder in my email.....Wonder When I wrote it.... Actually I know..... I was at a point of despair living on a Caribbean island far away from anywhere....

Here I sit wondering if you are through with what we are
Here I sit wondering if you have gone
Will I always find myself the one left behind
Or run away and hide behind closed eyes
Not seeing the truth for what it is
How shall I ever know if you were real or just a fairytale
You never showed me what could be

After all the thoughts and smiles you gave me
To leave unannounced and silent
I feel like a fool to have known you.
Or did I?
Was it you I found or did you find me
With the knowledge of leaving me
Knowing full well you would and still

Here I sit wondering just how I’ll tell if I’m whole again
Will I split apart from pain?
Will I find another to fill the space?
How will I ever know if it is real or just a farce
To keep me sane I retreat
I hide behind false eyes and smiles
Like a geisha or a mime
No one can see my true face
My true sorrow and fear

Oh how tired I am of being alone
And yet love is there just on the horizon
I can taste it at times in the wind
I can hear it through the trees
and see it in the waves
Just out of sight
Tantalizing me, drawing me, wanting me
Will I succumb again?
only to be slain by the sword
Another death, another life

And just after I wrote this I created the love of my life...I'm with him now

Friday, February 27, 2009

Being Authentic

“And therefore, all of those for whom authentic transformation has deeply unseated their souls must, I believe, wrestle with the profound moral obligation to shout from the heart—perhaps quietly and gently, with tears of reluctance; perhaps with fierce fire and angry wisdom; perhaps with slow and careful analysis; perhaps by unshakable public example—but authenticity always and absolutely carries a demand and duty: you must speak out, to the best of your ability and shake the spiritual tree, and shine your headlights into the eyes of the complacent. You must let that radical realization rumble through your veins and rattle those around you.

Alas, if you fail to do so, you are betraying you own authenticity. You are hiding your true estate. You don’t want to upset others because you don’t want to upset yourself. You are acting in bad faith, the taste of a bad infinity.

Because, you see, the alarming fact is that any realization of depth carries a terrible burden: Those who are allowed to see are simultaneously saddled with the obligation to communicate that vision in no uncertain terms. That is the bargain. You were allowed to see the truth under the agreement that you would communicate it to others (that is the ultimate meaning of the bodhisattva vow). And therefore, if you have seen, you simply must speak out. Speak out with compassion, or speak out with angry wisdom, or speak out with skillful means, but speak out you must.

This is truly a terrible burden, a horrible burden, because in any case there is no room for timidity. The fact that you might be wrong is simply no excuse: you might be right in your communication, and you might be wrong, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter, as Kierkegaard so rudely reminded us, is that only by investing and speaking your vision with passion, can the truth, one way or another, finally penetrate the reluctance of the world. If you are right, or if you are wrong, it is only your passion that will force either to be discovered. It is your duty to promote that discovery—either way—and therefore it is your duty to speak your truth with whatever passion and courage you can find in your heart. You must shout, in whatever way you can.”

Thank you Ken Wilbur

Pele's Dream

The day was bright; the sky was full of vog washing the sky gray.
The air smelled thick and had a sense of foreboding to it. Birds were unusually absent and there wasn't a wisp of wind. Towering palm trees stood like sentinels watching over the sparse landscape, protecting it, holding it against the ferocious winds that can whip across the land at times. The sea glistened a brilliant turquoise contrasting against the gray sky.

I found myself walking down a rock path towards a village. As I walked along the sky began to darken ahead of me. Nearing the village I came upon an old woman sitting along the side of the road. She was bent and decrepit with stringy white hair. Wearing dirty rags, she looked like beggar. There was something about her though that gave me chills up the back of my neck. When I got closer she looked up at me asked for a drink and a cigarette. Her eyes were the color of coal. I told her I didn't have anything on me, but if she accompanied me to the nearby village that we could get her some water and probably find her a cigarette. She thanked me. I helped her up. She put her arm in mine and we began a slow walk to the village.

Nearing the village, we began encountering people. The old woman asked each one she passed for a drink and a cigarette. She was met with derisive comments, pushed aside and laughed at. Each time she put her head down and muttered something under her breath. Then she'd turn back to me, take my arm and we'd continue on towards the village.

Once inside the village we headed towards the well in the center of the square. The farther into the village we went the more villagers stared, laughed and made rude comments at the old woman. I felt angry and embarrassed for her. Once I tried to protect her. She reached out, took hold of my arm and told me to keep my voice, that soon she would have her day.

When we reached the well, I got a drink of water for her first. As soon as she drank I turned to get one for myself. As I drank a hush fell around the square. I turned and suddenly the old woman was gone and in her place was a tall beautiful woman with fire in her eyes, coal black wavy hair and a foreboding frown on her face. I knew this must be Pele. But how? What happened to the old woman?

She looked down at me, smiled, and touched my cheek, knowing my wonder. Then she turned towards the villagers and her voice sounded like thunder, "You ignored me and laughed at me. For that you will be pay." The villagers suddenly knew she was Pele, the goddess of Fire, and rushed forward to kneel and beg forgiveness.

Ignoring them, she turned back to me and said, "Leave here quickly and never look back. There is a rocky knoll a short distance down the trail from here. Go there and wait. You will be safe there. Do not look back to this village as you leave or you will suffer the same as they do." With that she vanished. The people in the square began crying and wailing in panic. Suddenly they were running everywhere, trying to flee before Pele took her revenge. I left quickly.

As I was leaving, a loud rumbling began behind me. It grew louder and the ground began to shake violently. It sounded like thousands of freight trains rumbling towards me. I wanted to turn and look, but remembered her warning and began to run. I could feel intense heat behind me and knew Pele was exacting her revenge with fire. I saw the rocky knoll and headed for it.

As soon I reached the knoll, lava suddenly was all around me. I started to cry, afraid I would be dead within seconds. I raised my arms, closed my eyes and pleaded to Pele to spare my life. Suddenly I was calm, I felt protected and knew I was safe and would live to see the sunset that day. I don't know how long I stood with my arms outstretched.

When I opened my eyes, I looked around and found I was alone in a sea of black lava. Everything was gone, the village, the people, trees, there was no sign any life around me. Everything was wiped clean. It had become deathly quiet. Life had ceased to exist on this small spot of the world. Not even the wind dared raise his voice to the anger of Pele. The sun began to set and the sky became a glowing orange-red. Watching the day end I was suddenly at peace. Something amazing had happened and somehow I was a part of it.

I watched the sun turn to cinders as it slipped over the horizon. I lost track of time and lay down to rest. I must have fallen asleep because suddenly I felt something wet and cold across my face. I opened my eyes, wiped my hand across my wet face and looked up at a huge black dog standing over me. Around his neck was a golden flask. He licked me again as I sat up. The eyes of this dog were sea green and sparkled with flecks of gold that glinted in the light. It was as though you could fall into the depths of his eyes if you looked deep enough. This was the largest dog I'd ever seen, towering over me by several feet. When I got up, he nudged me and rubbed his neck against me.

I untied the flask, opened it and smelled the contents. A sweet fragrance came to my nose. I knew it was safe. When I began to drink a voice came to me. "For your generosity and kindness I repay you with my drink. I have spared you and sent my devoted dog to aid you in your journey home. He is faithful and will lead you to safety. Heed him well for he is my favorite. Thank you for all you've done and will do. You are in my favor."

I drained the flask and felt refreshed. As I looked at the dog, his eyes began to glow and he looked towards the horizon where the sun had set. I suddenly knew how to get home. I stepped from the knoll to walk in the direction he had gazed. When I turned to see if he was following me he was gone. I was alone once again, but I knew where I needed to be. As I started on my journey home the horizon started to glow purple from dawn approaching.

I rolled over and woke up. I was sweating and my hair was matted against the back of my neck. Whew! What a dream! Later that day, I discussed this dream with Auntie Dalina. She hugged me long and smiled. "You have been blessed, Pua, use it for the lesson it is and remember,You are now Hawaii's child."